Five Ways to Celebrate Holidays Sane and Sober

Who says we can’t be truly charitable with our party personalities during the holidays? One thing I always keep in mind by the time Thanksgiving rolls around is that I have a lot to bring to the season. I don’t need to sway clumsily over the stove, slurring my words as I forget to add […]

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Chocolate Calenders

The first Christmas I spent entirely drunk was in Florida. Coincidentally, Florida was the last place I was drunk for the holidays. In 2013, I visited my twin and brother-in-law in Miami. I cornered her after I downed two vodka sodas to demand an explanation and an apology for why she never visited me. I […]

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Free Spirit
PWD Gemini

I’ve been referred to as a “free spirit” by no less than ten people in my lifetime. The first time I heard it, I bristled. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I snarled. The first guy who made this observation was, by all accounts, a Grade A Douchebag, so I shrugged it off. He and […]

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The L.A.w of Diminishing Returns

My husband and I made a big decision last week. Other than agreeing on what apartment we wanted as our first together, where we went on our honey moon and how we spend our money, this decision is the biggest ticket item to date. I haven’t shared what we decided with many people because I […]

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In high school, my sister and I ran cross-country and track. She was the prodigious sprinter, while I was the patient long-distance runner. The amount of comparisons I made between myself and my twin were alarming–her smaller BMI and legs, for starters–disqualified me from being a “real” runner. I opted for the inconspicuous art of […]

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Cruel Ruby

Anxiety is a cheap trick. I admit I get a high when I feel the wheels in my mind turning, churning and burning for resolution to untold fear. My adrenaline revs up and I feel hyper-aware. However, I don’t usually realize until it’s too late that my body has already decided that the Sky is […]

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Pura Vida for Two
misty mountains

We started our luna de miel with a missed connection in Atlanta. There were tears–there were many tears. But they dried when the compassionate man at Delta’s customer service counter upgraded our seats to First Class. He got us on the last flight of the day leaving for San Jose, Costa Rica. The subsequent eight-hour layover resulted […]

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Blind Spots

I got in from New York City last night around 9:30pm. Nothing of note happened during the bus ride (s), except maybe for the Albanian man SCREAMING into his phone for SEVEN hours. Or the sub-zero temperatures. And/or the noxious smell of piss and shit from the “full service” bathrooms. Come to think of it, […]

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Give Me Your Hands ‘Cos You’re Wonderful

The last thing my father did before he died was play a flute solo in church. Power move. He was an atheist who frequented our Episcopalian church with the simple excuse to play music for people. He ended on a high note–literally–collapsing against a piano. He felt no pain. He would elicit no such drama. “Atheist Dies in Church, Performs Final Solo,” read the headline […]

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