RECOVERATI
illustration

Cent’Anni! (But I’ll take Two Years)

A traditional Italian toast–“Cent’Anni!”–blesses the toastee with wishes to live 100 years. I’ve walked this earth made from a colorful mixture of Italian, Scottish, English, German, Scottish and French stock, never having toasted much of anything (with the exception of my twin at her wedding. But not before I got into the champagne). I jumped ...

Bowie

Give Me Your Hands ‘Cos You’re Wonderful

The last thing my father did before he died was play a flute solo in church. Power move. He was an atheist who frequented our Episcopalian church with the simple excuse to play music for people. He ended on a high note–literally–collapsing against a piano. He felt no pain. He would elicit no such drama. “Atheist Dies in Church, Performs Final Solo,” read the headline ...

The Victimless Crimes of New York City

I am sitting at a community table, listening to Erykah Badu on Spotify, in a bustling Starbucks on West 41st street near Times Square. I welcome the noise of the espresso machine snarling at me over my own thoughts and even my music. I remember this feeling of aloneness being here.  I’ve learned how to ...

Fuck-22

Friday is a special day for me–let’s call it Fucking Friday. I couldn’t sleep last night (surprise) so I trolled the internet because that’s one of the things I do best. At the 5am golden hour, I received a text message from the guy I was supposed to be going on a date with tonight. ...

Can You Ever Just Be Whelmed?

A new friend from Richmond called me today to see how I was doing. She was surprised when I told her I had been feeling anxious for the past week. She remembered me the last time we talked–that I sounded optimistic and excited to be here. I told her it was the new anxiety meds ...

CA and VA: My Star-Crossed Lovers

I am awaiting my flight to Vegas on a layover in the heavily populated Phoenix airport. In an attempt to be thrifty, I am hopping three flights to get to Philly where my sister and brother-in-law live. A man just sat down next to me talking all kinds of smack to himself. He belches a ...

fatal attraction

Uhhhhhhh, Self-Care Anyone?

I had no idea how to take care of myself when I got sober. For me, it took a year of recovery and many stressful days and nights to arrive at the conclusion that I am not a person who one might call a “pro” at self-care (side note: self-care is apparently a verb; “so and so ...

boxing

TKO.

HOLY WHAAAAAT. I am one year and one day sober. F^&$)?:@^{%~*<‘@!,;”#=+£€•}! Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. The most important thing I can say here (that is not an expletive) is thank you. Thank you to every single person who made themselves available to help me. Thank you to those who allowed me to be a part ...

360 Degrees of Separation

Today marks my 360th day of sobriety. Only 5 days stand between me and, well, just another standard issue, miracle-laced 24-hour period. All sorts of scary and wonderful thoughts have been coming to the surface lately. I am at once beaming with joy and terrified that I am accountable to a mystical and loving Higher ...

Notes from a Recovering Politico

On Monday of this week, I interviewed for a position in a field completely unrelated to my former political pursuits. I walked in that office as a confident woman, strong in my abilities to communicate what I had to offer to this new company. I have always appeared confident in the professional arena, though I ...